Victory over Vulnerability

We are what we remember,

Memories warm up us from inside,

but they also tear us apart.

Somedays, memories feel like

a big hug from your mother

and the other days,

it feels like its choking you,

strangling you, gasping for you to breathe.

I still remember that cold late-dusk of December,

I was at my terrace gazing at the stars,

when my mom told me;

“you’re growing up too fast..”

Her voice sent chills down my spine,

her voice started to echo inside my head,

her words started to beat inside me like a second heart.

Maybe I was growing up a bit fast,

but I didn’t complain.

I just nodded my head,

forced a smile and left.

You may wonder how do I recall that day so clearly, well,

that was the day when my dads’ convalescent leave began.

I guess my mother sensed the vulnerability within me,

the way I was keeping everything I felt within myself,

the way this incident scared me to the core.

I thought it was easier to run away from the things I felt

but its grueling being the one who feels too much in a world,

where logic trumps feelings.

It’s a constant battle to either quiet your feelings

Or scare people away.

Years have passed by now.

I’m no longer allowing myself to be controlled

by fear or doubt or worries or judgements.

I’m no longer suppressing the parts of me

that are meant to be loud and boisterous.

And I’m no longer allowing these gruesome memories

and the feelings that come with them decree me.

I have realized that to grow up

is to accept the way I feel,

to accept the vulnerability…

to be alive is to be vulnerable!

and yes,

life beyond vulnerability is worth living.